and lives pass like the stars,

while seeds of life like growing trees,

turn out to be what life decrees.

…

Decisions made yet made before,

and brought about to be,

the blood that makes this simple core,

a beast to beg or yet to roar.

…

The river–a drop to cut away,

and one to float then on,

and one to push the stone today,

and one to turn the sand to clay.

Very few of us listen anymore. We live in a world where we can click the next button on any idea that we dislike. We are drowning in a pool of our own feces.

That feces is information. We have run into a problem, information. Information now puts everyone in a massive cloud. We don’t have time to focus on one subject. We don’t have time to ponder on a topic. We jump our minds from one place to another and we can’t accomplish anything.

We have become a civilization of mediocre machines.

Step into the light wise child. Find figures of something surreal from the past and cling to it. Grasp to the future with bright hopes from light that shined with the sun and with fire.

Quit taking orders from inept books from mediocre mouths, dry hearts and minds with nothing but pleasant repetition.

Find solace in the wise ones who have done an actual thing. Murder the ones that seek to drown your thoughts in their murky middle.

It really made me think about Consumerism… something I entirely loathe.

But can we escape it?

We’re like rats who built an emotional maze that we can’t get out of. We are getting very smart, but we are also so emotional. So we play all these logical tricks on ourselves that we believe emotionally.

I wish I could say I was logical. I am very emotional in my decision making and how I act. I know some people are better at being logical, but anyone who believes they are completely logical must be emotionally deceived.

Consumerism is based completely on emotion. There is no logical explanation for the way consumerism works. It is completely based on the idea of filling an emotional need. It’s even got the the point where individuals with big emotional needs get together with other individuals with big emotional needs and create a group of stronger emotional needs that pushes them even further. This is called “Sex and the City.”

The end was a joke.

But I heard it’s true, never saw the movie.

The question that really gets me thinking is this…why are we so emotional, and why do we cling so much to that emotion.

And why is logic in the popular world seldom recognized as a desired trait?

A consumerist society is one that appoints physical traits over genuine hard work and wisdom. And that is what we have become.

And I hate to say this but I have to blame this mostly on one of my most beloved theories, capitalism.

Capitalism pushes us to consumerism, because the capitalist wants that, it is good for them, it is a necessity for them. And the worst part of it is, the more money is spent by the consumer, the more money is pumped into researching how to teach the consumer to buy more.

The best way to solve an emotional problem is with logic. There needs to be a balance of logic and emotion through education.

We need to be able to instill an emotional desire for logic. We as a society and as a planet could be progressing at lightspeeds if we could figure out a way for the majority of people to be putting their time into forward progress.

I have been reading Malcolm Gladwell’s book, “Outliers.” Love it. Basically the gist is that it takes 10,000 hours of hard work to become an expert at something.

So we are a nation of professional consumers.

We have so much potential, and I believe we will reach it, and we have been reaching it, but not at full capacity. If this was a factory, I don’t think we would ever reach full capacity–individual decision must stay in tact. However, we are running at about 1 percent right now.

I always wonder what happened, or if I am just seeing this wrong. Shakespeare was one of the most beloved and regarded persons of his time. So I’ll use Hollywood to describe the change in thought here.

Shakespeare was brilliant.

But something happened along the way. The persons writing the plays, or in our case movies, became less regarded, and were replaced by the actor and actress.

So we have, in this little scenario, replaced knowledge with appearance, or logic with emotion.

And that is one of the key factors driving consumerism.

But maybe I am wrong and Shakespeare was only loved for his entertainment and never for his brilliance.

Either way I would rather regard the brilliant.

I was reading some Heidegger the other night and it got me thinking about this and that which led to a big breakthrough in my mind. Even though this could be considered crazy-talk as many ideas and philosophies usually are.

But I was thinking about what Heidegger was talking about.

And it got me thinking.

Knowledge is the same as truth, at least true knowledge is. And in the end all true knowledge will be proven true, on a long enough time scale. So if you take time out of the equation then we see ourselves finding multiple truths and falsities. So that got me thinking.

We are on a specific path to ultimate truth.

This means that eventually we are going to find out what truth is, meaning we are going down a specified path that we cannot alter. Truth is truth no matter which way you spin it, so we can’t really alter our course, only discover it.

So then I started thinking. On a long enough time scale what has happened to us– ie. big bang or our coming to existence, developing knowledge, etc–must have or will happen again.

And on a long enough timescale if you believe, which I do, that we will discover ultimate truths, then we will have a god-like knowledge.

So god is the idea of ultimate knowledge, power, and truth. Power and truth come with knowledge (science gives us the power to do so many things with understanding).

So then, on a long enough time scale, we are gods. We have the ability to learn ultimate truth. We are on the path to ultimate knowledge and power.

This is easily seen by our ability to learn at an exponential rate.

Now, matter is infinite, as far as we understand. So if matter cannot be destroyed only changed, then infinity goes both ways, forward and backward.

And if infinity goes forward and backward then that means we live in the infinite.

So then other occurrences like ours have been happening for infinite time before now.

And gods must already exist.

Imagine the 10th Dimension. Pretty good video…

I never work. I think work is overrated but I need to start making sales so hopefully I will take this week serious. I’ve been thinking of moving in a couple months (if I can get some money) to either 1) New York City (most probable) 2) England (almost impossible) or 3) Netherlands (ya I know). So we’ll see what happens.

I’m in 2 bands right now so that may be a deterrent. Well if they turn out any good. The first band I play drums in and they’re ok. I’m mostly just doing it to play…it’s good practice…but I don’t really see it going anywhere. But with music as shitty as it is today who knows.

The second band I’m in (well not officially yet) is called the X Chromosomes. These two chicks are actually decent. They have written alot of stuff that I would say is not that great, BUT, they have some good ideas, a studio, money, and a good voice. It’s similar to what I’m going for so my plan is, if it works out, to learn their songs and then start taking them my direction. A really raw poppy band with a chick vocalist. I know I’m obsessed with the Yeah Yeah Yeahs.

But regardless I may be moving it will all depend on how good I think these bands are and then I’ll go from there.

Today I’ve been a little depressed just playing some guitar. I never really play anymore. I feel like I’ve lost alot of my passion for music which means for my life. Music = Life for me. And I don’t mean that in a rock and roll star way. More in an emotional way. All my feelings are based on music and come out in my music. So losing the passion for one means losing the passion for the other. I don’t feel like I’m offering alot right now. I don’t feel like I’m progressing right now. I’m working really hard at something that might not work out. But to hell with it I’m not going to give up. That’s for college students and people with full time jobs and families.

I’ve been reading The Denial of Death. It’s so interesting. He says something along the lines of this…in order to be a hero in life, and to do what you are capable of, you must face the truth of life and the consequences of truly understanding what and who you are.

I only know 1 person who has truly faced up to life, as far as I know. I can’t do it. Not yet. My life is still hidden in the shadows. I’m trying to step out but once I step into the light, people will see me for what I truly am, and I don’t know if I can handle that yet…

In time…

If you don’t know who they are get to know them. They are the most romantic and emotional band since Dylan wrote “Blowing in the Wind.” The Libertines put life and love into music form.

The Libertines are the best band of this millennium. They are the best band since Oasis. They piss on every band including the other two greatest bands Kings of Leon and the Strokes. The Libertines make them look like carnival kids trying to make music with blow pipes on the dirt floor with Dog-faced boy smoking hash in the back room. They move my heart in such a way that I can’t express. This is real music. Music was made to express the heart and they have constructed a perfect aortical sphere.

Here are some SHIT HOT video clips…

This is real music…

I may make a decision I should have made long ago or never made at all.

A natural understanding of myself must take place. A brief sight into things to come.

I may never be the same as I am…

The middle road is no longer…

I have to give music a chance…and I was way stoked to move to Boise to play.

But now I fear that I won’t be able to find a good enough group of musicians to play with.

I know that everyone says you should just enjoy and play the music. But I know that I don’t have a good enough voice to take it to the level I want. My fear is that I won’t find a good enough voice to go with the music I feel in my heart.

I’m about to give up and go sleep in my parents basement for the next 5 years. Then I’ll be too old for people to judge me and I’ll be too old for people to tell me to get married and make something with my life.

I feel so much pressure from mostly myself. I listen to bands like Oasis, Kings of Leon, the Libertines and I wonder how I can ever write that good of music. And then you just wonder if people even like good music anymore…

I don’t really care if I get famous let me just say that. I really just want to be satisfied by the fact that I have made good enough music, I want to prove to myself that I can. But unless some people like it and I get to tour for a while I won’t feel good enough about it.

I don’t know why I’m so into music. I try not to compare myself with Bob Dylan, Lou Reed, or Neil Young, but I do. These guys are heads and shoulders above me. Every time I listen to “Like a Rolling Stone,” or “Beginning to See the Light,” I just flip.

How can I do this?

Part of me wants to move to LA or New York. But then I don’t know if that would really solve my problem…

I still barely have enough energy to keep fighting off my family and all their negativity towards my dream…

I won’t make it much longer friends… I won’t commit suicide don’t worry. But I’m going to commit life suicide, where I just shoot every dream I’ve ever had in the head execution style and go get a degree and a job, fall in line, and hate everyone around me and my own self for the rest of eternity…

I started to think…”what is my ultimate goal here…to change people?”

Then I started really thinking…no. I think that’s actually my problem. I don’t really want to change people. In fact I’m afraid of trying to change people because sometimes I hate this endless search for truth. The hole we dig in friend is deep, and we will keep digging in this same hole that others have been in for years. They pass the shovel and a few of us actually love to search for it.

But like I said sometimes I really hate it…

I do want to IMPROVE people when it comes down to it. I really like to boost the self esteem of others around me. I do that alot. I feel like I can really affect people’s self worth with word. I grew up very self concious and very lost as to who I was. Not that I care what people are, but I feel like I try to spread the gospel of “accept yourself.”

Morrissey said it best in the song “Accept Yourself.”   LYRICS     VIDEO

So I guess it comes down to this. I want to improve people’s lives. But I do not want to change anything about a person until I personally believe and know that what I preach is what I believe will be beneficial.

But I really do fear actually making people think. I have this inner fear that I do not want people to end up like me. I really believe in fate, if people need to be shaken then life will do it. Who am I to do it?

But these vain and pretentious people think they can go out and shake people’s beliefs and not destroy the moral fabric of society. Science and god are both such extremes. Science says that god is worthless and pointless because “well the Egyptians worshipped the Sun as god and now we’ve just developed him to fit our new life of understanding.” Well you dumb-ass scientists. Remember when you said the world was flat? Remember when you said that we had to worry about global cooling less than 100 years ago?

What’s happened to you? You’re just as extreme as the believers. You are just as dogmatic and bigoted as the religious. We claim all these truths, they change all the time EVEN OVER THE COURSE OF OUR LIFETIME and we are supposed to believe what YOU say but NOT RELIGION!!! You’re both equally clinging to one extreme of the picture.

So it’s really time lab coats and priests step out of their uniform and let people figure out the truth for themselves. I’m not going to be the one in charge of tearing people down, but you sure as hell do a good job at tearing down each other.

It’s going to evolve…mark me here. It will eventually be religion vs science. And there will be wars over it. There will be fighting and wars and destruction over this. It’s the next phase. People will cling so hard to their side. You can already see it. The Church of the Bible and the Church of the Science.

Anyways I hate both ends of the spectrum. There is a place for both, but don’t walk with one eye closed. Let the world around you affect you how it will. Take it in from both prespectives and then think AND feel what you believe and live true to it. That is what really matters.