Home > Music, Poetry, and Philosophy > Coming to Terms

Coming to Terms

Everytime I do something and I try to involve my “feelings” or what I am told is “God” I just get way confused.

In my two years time service marathon in Wisconsin I would go crazy trying to “feel” what I should do.

And you know what? Everytime I did that I would just go crazy and think too hard.

“Is that a yes? Is that a No? Is that God? Is that me? Is that my blood? Is that my heartburn?” I mean seriously…

But then now it’s just translated itself into my personal life and my dating life. I just meet a girl and start to like her and then I start thinking too hard and then I get these doubts and I immediately start translating them into some God given answer to a question that I don’t even want to think about yet.

Then on top of that I tell myself that I felt like this with the last 4 girls that didn’t work out, so that must mean this won’t work out.

What the..? I mean seriously. This is why I hate including my “feelings” in ANYTHING that I do. Because it doesn’t work.

When I step back and think of when I really felt that desire to become something better, that feeling is something else. But my mind wants answers without doing my own work.

So the conclusion is that I need to cut out my own heart or do cocain until I can’t feel anything at all. Then do whatever the H#@$ I want…

I hate overanylizing everything I do that could potentially affect me dramatically…

My own mind is trying to ruin me…

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