Home > Music, Poetry, and Philosophy > It’s Me, Trying to be You

It’s Me, Trying to be You

September 2, 2008 Leave a comment Go to comments

I play and play and play and play music all day. And then I think about it on the side.

And apparently I hate a good portion of my music…and all of my singing.

For some reason I can’t let me be me, I have to try and be you (some other person that doesn’t sound like me or do anything I do). That would really help me out if I could just be you.

But I would probably hate being you.

……………………………………………………………………………………………………………………….

I continue to forget that I am yellow.

My color, my code. It’s what I am.

I’ll remember for quite some time, and it will really help me along.

But then I slowly forget, because I’m yellow, that I am yellow. Then, I begin to just blame myself and not my color.

When I realize what I am then I can control who I am.

I’ve been putting out a very negative vibe to the people around me. It’s really affecting what people think about me and how I act around people.

If you are surrounded by people who you really just don’t click with, or people who are always bringing out your negativity, it will really kill your attitude, and having a deadend, dull, negative attitude will really kill your social life.

So my social life is dying slowly.

My surroundings are these; 3 roommates who are always preaching madness and brainwashed college- aged spam propoganda. They have a certain disease I call “Barachius Obamiism.” It’s a disease that tells people that an entity who is trillions of dollars in debt is a good investment and is looking out for your best interest.

2 Roommates are stuck in their own social circle and they are still hanging out with their lame old gang from high school and haven’t moved on.

1 roommate doesn’t know what’s going on in life.

And 1 roommate shouldn’t be there.

And I’m stuck in the middle.

My job is worthless…it pays that is it. I learn very little of nothing and they have me stuck to a computer all day doing who knows what.

The whole problem is that I have no one “like me” to release all this pressure and energy. There really only 1 person these last couple years who has given me that kind of freedom and pressure free existance to truly live and now he is in Seattle about to get hitched up.

I’m not here to complain but there is a point to all of this.

No…no there really isn’t.

So I’m on my own, actually I am more comfortable on my own. In fact I’ve met every girl I’ve gone out with in Salt Lake on my own. It’s quite liberating being able to stand on my own two feet, but also it’s really narrowed the quality of girls I have been able to meet.

And the only girl I’ve met and thought decent enough to go out with thinks that I like her roommate and so I got up and walked away from that.

And a quick note. I hate girls at parties. They always run around and act like they are something so special. They have to play this social card.

I’m sick of faking these cards and facades. It’s too much work and I’m sick of meeting someone and then going out with someone else with the same name then next week.

So is my life building or crashing down like an Apache Helicopter in the heat of some multi-leveled social battle for Alpha Male?

I put the guns down but then I just get walked on…uhhh. I don’t want to get them back out, but it’s seems like it’s war to win. The enemy has guns so I need to fight fire with fire.

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