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My Life Update

I’ve been in Arizona for three weeks now and I’m actually enjoying myself…probably too much.

I never work. I think work is overrated but I need to start making sales so hopefully I will take this week serious. I’ve been thinking of moving in a couple months (if I can get some money) to either 1) New York City (most probable) 2) England (almost impossible) or 3) Netherlands (ya I know). So we’ll see what happens.

I’m in 2 bands right now so that may be a deterrent. Well if they turn out any good. The first band I play drums in and they’re ok. I’m mostly just doing it to play…it’s good practice…but I don’t really see it going anywhere. But with music as shitty as it is today who knows.

The second band I’m in (well not officially yet) is called the X Chromosomes. These two chicks are actually decent. They have written alot of stuff that I would say is not that great, BUT, they have some good ideas, a studio, money, and a good voice. It’s similar to what I’m going for so my plan is, if it works out, to learn their songs and then start taking them my direction. A really raw poppy band with a chick vocalist. I know I’m obsessed with the Yeah Yeah Yeahs.

But regardless I may be moving it will all depend on how good I think these bands are and then I’ll go from there.

Today I’ve been a little depressed just playing some guitar. I never really play anymore. I feel like I’ve lost alot of my passion for music which means for my life. Music = Life for me. And I don’t mean that in a rock and roll star way. More in an emotional way. All my feelings are based on music and come out in my music. So losing the passion for one means losing the passion for the other. I don’t feel like I’m offering alot right now. I don’t feel like I’m progressing right now. I’m working really hard at something that might not work out. But to hell with it I’m not going to give up. That’s for college students and people with full time jobs and families.

I’ve been reading The Denial of Death. It’s so interesting. He says something along the lines of this…in order to be a hero in life, and to do what you are capable of, you must face the truth of life and the consequences of truly understanding what and who you are.

I only know 1 person who has truly faced up to life, as far as I know. I can’t do it. Not yet. My life is still hidden in the shadows. I’m trying to step out but once I step into the light, people will see me for what I truly am, and I don’t know if I can handle that yet…

In time…

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